The Real Pain of Divorce and Fatherlessness

A retiring judge writes on CNN.com about her older brother, a lawyer who committed suicide at age 53, and who was dealing with the pain of divorce and separation from his children.

One key passage strikes me more than any other in this tragic story:

This may sound like heresy, but I believe the United States and a host of Western democracies are engaged in an unintended campaign to diminish the importance of marriage and fatherhood. By refusing to do everything we can to stem the rising rate of divorce and unwed childbearing, our country often isolates fathers (and sometimes mothers) from their children and their families.

Of course, there are occasions when divorce is necessary. And not everyone should marry. But it has become too easy for people to walk away from their families and commitments without a real regard for the gravity of their decision and the consequences for other people, particularly children.

My italics. To me, more crucial to the ending of what the author calls "disposable marriage" is the education of people about the true meaning and all the legal and moral ramifications of entering into a marriage in the first place. It need not be a religious or even spiritual education. It can simply be a way for people, individually and as couples, to discuss frankly how serious the move is. It starts with parents, and can continue in schools or special programs through a church or community organization. This way, potential married couples can enter into this "legal contract" fully aware of the power it has. This should be mandatory, although legally I'm not sure if that can be done.

That said, it should also be harder for people to get divorced, especially after they have completed the pre-marriage course. But the escape hatch of no-fault divorce is important in this society that places a high value on freedom.