All They Need Now Are the Pitchforks and Torches

Fans of the New York Giants, who went a dismal 3-8 after going undefeated for the first five games of the season, wanted to make sure that fired defensive coordinator Bill Sheridan never returned anywhere near the Giants locker room:

According to a source familiar with the situation, Sheridan was met by an angry mob upon exiting the team's facility at 5:30 PM. Witnesses say that the unemployed coach dropped his belongings and sprinted to his nearby car as the mob, uniformly clad in Giants blue, followed him. What ensued was an hour-long attempt by Sheridan to exit the team facility. Members of the crowd wielded Giants helmets and other Big Blue regalia as they vandalized Sheridan's 2006 Toyota Prius.

"We couldn't take it any more," yelled Giants fan Tony Russo as he jammed a CC Brown jersey into the Prius' transmission, "The man just couldn't call a successful blitz."

Sheridan escaped from the mob and made his way to Newark Airport, where escorted by armed guards he boarded a flight to an unknown foreign country.

"As far as we know, Bill is going on a family vacation," said Giants co-owner John Mara, "I hear Andorra is very nice this time of year."

Yikes. I hear the Raiders will be short a few crazed psycho fans next year. Maybe Giants' fans can find a west coast outlet for their fanaticism.